There are a lot of things I’ve been struggling with, and I’m hoping that those who read my blog that I know in real life will keep this to themselves and not spread it around. I know how we often say ‘Sure, I’ll keep it a secret!’ and then go off and tell someone else. Seriously. It’s not too much to ask.

As I said, there are a lot of things I’ve been struggling with in my relationship with God, and I really do believe that when I write things out, my head becomes more clear and things are easier to understand. It’s not just a ginormous jumble of thoughts pinging back to each other like my friends are when doped up with skittles and Mountain Dew. I’m going to try as often as I can (seeing as how I can’t type for too long, the muscles in my hand start to fail), to blog each part of everything I’ve been struggling with.

Part I is going to deal with Hypocrisy/Judgement in Peers.

There’s a specific person I have issues with. I probably always will have issues with him. We just don’t get along. We manage to butt heads all the time, and because of past experiences, I guess I’m sorta unwilling to let go the ‘You did me wrong’ type of attitude. He’s arrogant, cocky, judgemental, demeaning, and he just doesn’t know when to shut his mouth. There have been numerous times when he’s been a jerk to me and my friends.

I write all this because most of the time I’m reminded of ‘Me thinks that thou protest too much.’ What I’ve come to understand about that is sometimes we protest and complain about others because we see those character traits in ourselves.

I have such problems with his whole character and how treats others, and I have to be honest and think ‘Do I think this way because I’m no different? Do I see those same characteristics in me, and because I’m unwilling to admit it, I blow things out of proportion?’ I have to admit this, and I really have to examine how I’ve treated and spoken to others.

I probably complain about people because I can see their character flaws in myself.

Fox has a new tv show called “New Amsterdam,” and has anybody been watching it? I just watched last Monday’s episode, the fourth one in the series, I believe, and it really struck home to me.

The plot (and I won’t give out the ending), is about an Indian girl who gets raped and murdered. All throughout the show, her sister buts in with the traditionalist values and tries to get Amsterdam off the case by saying “We’ll take care of it! It’s a family matter!” They didn’t downplay, judge, or demean the Indians and their traditions. Rather, they give light to something people of race and different cultures still deal with: past traditions brought into the 21st century. Now, I’m not saying what happened is great and that it’s perfectly acceptable. But in the show in 21st century New York and in other places, there are people dealing with past beliefs.

(Starting with my grandmother) I’m a third generation Filipino living in the US. I was born here, but I was raised with both an American perspective and a Filipino perspective. I grew up with both, plain and simple. But often I get questioned about perfectly normal American things to do — dating, going out with friends, dress and attire, hobbies, etc. In the American perspective, I’m pretty normal, but in the Filipino perspective, I’m a rebel.

It’s hard growing up with two different traditions that bombard you constantly, and I’ve sort of found a balance (ha!). What’s really hard though, is trying to explain it to people who are raised 100% American. I get in trouble for perfectly American things/ideas, and when I explain where I’m coming from, it gets brushed off, forgotten, or disregarded. It frustrates me when I try to explain it, and people will say “Well, my parents are perfectly fine with it!” Um… DUH. My parents aren’t, and I’m trying to explain it to you; so you can understand.

It’s an interesting topic they brought up, and it’s something people should really take account to before judging and doing things that could get others in trouble.

In light of my previous post, a godly woman just finished her race. She will be missed dearly.