give me wings give me peace
December 27th, 2008

the only thing nice about being apart is that i can… not think of anything

what the poo?
it always seems like whenever i hit the ‘play’ button in itunes, people start talking to me. i then hit the ‘pause’ button, and they stop. do people just have radars in their brains to annoy me? haha

obviously, i didn’t ‘officially’ blog yesterday, but i had good reason to: i was talking to jake for a long time about us. not anything bad, we just talked about some situations in the previous semester: what happened, our perspectives on them, and if we were really mad at each other because of them. i’m not one for real confrontation, and i like to just talk about problems and figure out a solution instead of arguing about it later. there were two times, that i can remember, where we had disagreements, and i talked to him afterwards about if he was really upset with me or not. he said he wasn’t, but i just couldn’t tell from his body language and the way he was talking to me. we talked about it a lot last night, and we finally got it all cleared up.

i really like talking to that kid.

it makes my life so much easier to just explain and talk to him instead of arguing.
i really hate yelling and arguing. and i’ve seen that my parents don’t talk about problems as much as they should, so it then results into an argument. i don’t want that to happen with my future beloved.

i think that’s one thing i really like about our relationship: we disagree and talk about. with my past two relationships, the guys have always let me ‘be right’ or they never voiced their opinion; and that’s what i don’t want. i don’t think one person should totally take control and their opinion is supreme. i like that jake disagrees with me on things, but then i also like the fact that he’ll talk to me about it; or i’ll talk to him about it. he has a spine – i think that’s one of the most attractive things about him.

i don’t expect our relationship to be perfect, and i’m glad we’re talking about things like this. it makes me happy to know that, if someday in the future we get married, we have a good foundation for working out our problems.

another thing that i like is that we don’t have just our serious conversations through aim or texting. we actually talk about important things in person. that’s another thing that i think really damaged my other relationships: i wanted to talk in person, but the other wanted to resort to just talking through phone, texting, or aim. i believe there are just some things that need to be discussed in person, and i’m glad i can do that with jake; and he feels comfortable with it.

i really miss that boy.
i don’t know how i’m going to deal with summer break if it sucks this much over Christmas break.

by Rachel | Posted in Uncategorized | Comments Off |
December 26th, 2008

A Paradox

I’m not going to write about what I got for Christmas (ps this post was started at 12.59pm, so I’m still within my promise of a post a day), or my ranting on materialism.

Last night on Christmas eve, I thought of this paradox?

Jesus Christ came here to save us from Himself.

Isn’t this a true statement?

Hell was meant as a place of torment and punishment, a place of God’s wrath on sinful man, as I remember and understand. If hell is our punishment from God, and Christ came to save us from that to bring us into Heaven… Did He just save us from Himself?

I don’t quite understand everything, and I’ll be honest – I try to. I like knowing how things work and understanding things.

But this is one that I don’t know if I’ll ever understand – the mysteries of the Trinity, the person hood of God.

I mean, if I can’t understand theorems, proofs, the difference of chemicals in fat free and regular, and powdered eggs… How can I understand God?

Whatever mystery this is, though – I’m thankful for it.
Thankful that I am saved, that I have a Saviour, and that there is still saving going on.
Thankful that a way was provided that I could no endure God’s wrath,
But that His wrath was placed on Someone else.
Thankful that even though my pride tells me I maybe could’ve handled the punishment, God knew I could never and sent me His Son, Himself, to handle the punishment for me.
I’m thankful for Christmas.
I’m thankful for this mysterious paradox that kept me up for some of Christmas eve.

I’m thankful for Christ.

by Rachel | Posted in Christianity, Devotions | 1 Comment » |
December 24th, 2008

Insanity Already

I’m only a week into the Christmas break of five weeks, and I’m already going out of my mind.
I remember why I wanted to get out of this house… I’m so ready for that freedom that I have at school. As much as I love my family and friends, I just don’t want to stay here and spend the rest of my life here. I’m real appreciative to see everyone again, but I’m even more thankful to be out of this house and be living on my own.

My family isn’t too bad. It’s not an authoritarian structure, and I’m not boxed in all the time. I just miss that taste of freedom and independence. I’m much happier at school than I am here in Greenville.

I want to try and blog more my second semester. I tried a little bit during the first, more of in my written journal than here. But I realize how disciplined I was in high school, and I want to continue on with it in college.

I have a month basically to survive in this household until I can go back to Indiana.
I already hate how idle I’ve become, too. There’s only so much I can do by myself since my friends are out of town or busy. I’m already reading more, doing more artwork… And obviously taken up my interest in designing and blogging again. I’ve missed this.

For the next month or so, I promise to try and blog everyday. I need to write down my thoughts about the days and do something… Maybe more youtube exploring or book/movie/music reviewing… Whatever. I just can’t stay idle.

by Rachel | Posted in Life, Myself, Vent | Comments Off |













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