give me wings give me peace
May 14th, 2007

Can I Get an Amen?… Please?

It’s amazing how much drama a member of the opposite sex can cause, especially in a small youth group. While I sympathize, I can’t help but wonder if we brought this drama on ourselves because we haven’t been honest and open. It seems like we get so highstrung on the small things and things that wouldn’t normally bother us; we let them fizzle and hide them and then the time comes when it pops and obiously, we just can’t put it all back in. Or we seem to not want to accept and feed our imaginations just to keep us happy instead of realizing the truth. Or we just don’t want to start a commotion to begin with, and we don’t allow what’s really on our hearts and minds to come out. We become angry, frustrated, depressed… Over things that really shouldn’t have been a big deal in the first place.

When someone does come up to us and tell us what’s wrong in our lives or just speaks out against something (rightfully so, not just stir something up or out of anger), we ’shoot the messenger.’ But we really should just take a minute to breathe and re-evaluate what they’ve said and our actions. Job said it the best when his three ‘friends’ tried to ‘help’ (they actually made things worse): ‘How painful are honest words!’ But King Solomon also said that a man’s counsel to his friend is just as sweet as the taste of honey… That we shouldn’t disregard them, but drink it in and grow.

There are five stages of grief, and if we can’t get past the first four, we’ll never make it to the fifth and last stage that allows us to get on with our lives and continue growing. It’s hard, yes, but we can’t deny ourselves growth just to satisfy a small blip of happiness.

I’m probably speaking to the choir here, but it’s just been ‘Something on My Mind’ (as Hawk Nelson put it). It really frustrates me to see people wasting time and focusing on small things when their given a whole life with so many luxuries that people, like me, would sell their most prized possessions for.

There really are a lot of things bothering me right now about different people–hypocrisy, deceit, drama, marked integrity, ‘depression’ (really, I can’t stand it when someone uses this term just to classify their prolonged sadness… I’ve been depressed to the point of suicide, and, baby, your ‘emotions’ are not even close)… And while they don’t affect me directly, I’m watching them slef-destruct, and I can’t help but wonder, ‘You brought this on yourself… Why are you so surprised?’

by Rachel | Posted in Life, Random, Relationships, Vent | 1 Comment » |
May 2nd, 2007

Relax? Psh, That’s so Overrated.

I’m a little less anxious about the upcoming SAT. In comparison to how I previously scored in my practice tests, I’ve improved by over 130 points. My scores are still pretty low, but I’m happy with the improvement. Grace requires only the scores between critical reading and math, and so far, I’m 20 points below the minimum scholarship. At least I know what to improve on and look at before Saturday.

As soon as this weekend is over, I’ll be able to have stress-free weeks/weekends and courses. With the past two competitions, the SAT and a few other other nonessentials coming together within a span of three weeks, my internal system has gone haywire. My parents have suggested me to relax in order for me to get better health-wise, but… I don’t really know how to relax. I’ve always been like a rabbit in that I’m jumping from one thing to another to another. For me to just sit down, breathe and give myself a break… It’s like asking a computer nerd to quote all of ‘Fergalicious’–it just doesn’t happen!

I’m a hoping a few friends and I can get together again and dual it out with our plastic Star Wars light sabers. Nothing says friendship like a pretend light saber battle in a deserted church gym.

by Rachel | Posted in Life, Myself, School-related, Vent | Comments Off |













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