No doctor’s appointment, but at least I’m able to take some meds until my appointment. In three weeks.

I still can’t do “normal” things without getting incredibly tired, though. I can’t play the piano, walk up the stairs, get dressed, brush my teeth… I remember now why I do so many things and take so many shortcuts: because when I was like this 4 years ago? It was so much easier for me.

My muscles are acting up again, so even typing this much at one period is really wearing me out. What’s worse is now I’m having a lot of people come up to me, doing things for me or offering to do things for me. And I don’t know if *they* know about my disorder or if it’s just being polite. And even if it’s just being polite, I’m still paranoid and feeling helpless like I can’t take care of myself.

Really, I just want to crawl under a rock.

I haven’t abandoned this site… So don’t worry. I’m just unable to type for long periods as of late. Can’t type, can’t play piano… I don’t have arm strength, leg strength or any strength right now. I feel so useless and discouraged. And while it’s Thanksgiving, and I have so much to be thankful for, I’m going to be selfish and wallow in my self-pity in my inability to type and express how I feel because I have no strength.

I’ve never felt so weak and so useless. I wouldn’t wish this on anybody.

I have a doctor’s appointment hopefully next week, and I can get this straightened out. If not, I have to wait three weeks till my scheduled appointment.

That’s my update for now. Typing out two sentences (or even one for that matter) is really starting to wear out my wrist and arm strength.

Superbowl was pretty much amazing. It always is. :reallyblushing: And I’ve got about 5 different bruises on my left leg to prove it! Yeah… Bowling from midnight to 2am can get pretty dangerous. :uhoh: And while there’s nothing outstandingly OHMIGOSH worthy to blog about (at least not from my standpoint. I mean, acting like losers with funny voices and tide-to-go commericals isn’t exactly new for my youth group), there are some things I’m going to come out and say here in my online journal about the trip and a couple other things.

Before the actual trip, I sent an email to my ex… I still really really like him, and the way that he’s been acting around me, it seems like he wants it, too (I mean a relationship). If you’re reading this right now, at least I’m being honest and saying what I feel. Well, in my email, I said some things about my best friend who’s been teasing the two of us and I ended it with “She just wants to see us together. Honestly, I wish we were still together, but hey, you broke up with me for a reason.” I figure if he felt the same way about me, it was the best opportunity to tell me on the trip or even if it wasn’t on the trip, he would still tell me some clear answer: yes or no. But nothing. All I have is a camera full of videos and pictures and a mind full of questions. At least I was honest, and I didn’t let any opportunities pass me by.

Like I told a friend, “Yes, Rachel has a spine! And his name is… Obadiah!”

I’m actually feeling a little bit more closure now. I’m still incredibly jealous knowing he probably talks or flirts with other girls, but it’s ok. I have to move on, and it’s not like I haven’t been flirting with other guys. :couple2: I’m still really proud of myself, though, for taking the intiative. I”m not exactly known for standing up for myself or being confrontational, so making a bold move like that is a really big step for me. Good job, Obadiah. Good job.

I’m sick. Not sick-sick to qualify me of tons of shots of nyquil and dayquil, but sick enough to the point where I feel like I want to be in bed all day. The weather has been crazy lately. One day warm, one day cold, one day warm with rain, next couple days cold with rain. :ashamed: That and all my allergies… Ugh.